Hey guys. I know, I didn’t post anything in here in ages. And let me tell you, I feel bad about it. I guess that’s just how I am, starting projects even though I know I can’t keep up with my work load.
Before I start writing about today’s topic, I wanted to say thanks to everyone who decided to follow this blog even though it’s barely active. I really appreciate it.
So this morning, I got a letter from the college I had applied for. Luckily, I had some friends over today and they helped me read it. The letter contained pages of information about the next steps I have to take before I can start studdying. Some documents I have to download, 5 different websites I have to create accounts for and a thousand more things I didn’t even understand completely. I know, I could ask my brother or my parents for help. I could research everything on the internet. However, I’m so overwhelmed by everything right now. And here’s my problem: The second I start feeling overwhelmed, I just stop doing anything. I know it is stupid, but even 2 years of therapy couldn’t fix this. And now I’m sitting here, questioning everything. If I can’t even handle the contents of a letter, how am I supposed to move to a different city and start college? What if I just get a complete breakdown as soon as a little thing goes wrong? Maybe I’m not ready for all of this. But if I dropp everything now, there are so many people who will be disapointed. On top of that, I’m not even sure if there will be a time when I feel ready. Maybe the perfect moment doesn’t exist. Maybe I will never be stable enough to do anything. I’m just so mad at myself again.
I know, I’m rambling about stuff nobody cares about. I just had to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading
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